Wisdom Of The Rooms
North Central Texas Al-Anon/Alateen
District 6
"Advice that is not asked for is criticism."

I have someone in my life that, after she asks how I'm doing and I begin to tell
her, immediately begins telling me the things I need to change or start doing. Until
this quote I didn't realize that the reason her unasked for advice made me feel so
bad was because it was thinly veiled criticism of the way I was living my life.

Thank God the program doesn't work that way. If people in the program or my
sponsor started giving me unasked for advice or telling me what to do, I would
have left long ago. Instead, people give me suggestions (when I ask for them)
based on their own experience. If they had a similar situation as mine and they did
something that worked for them, then they may suggest that it might work for me
as well. It's up to me at that point to try it or not.

Because of the program, I have learned to apply this wisdom in my other
relationships as well. In fact, people now call me a good listener, and it's because I
know that all people really want is to be heard and understood. If asked, the best I
can do is share my experience with a similar situation - if I have it. Otherwise, it's
best to listen, empathize and help them process their experience. That's always
better than giving advice that's not asked for.

"God's rejection is God's protection."

Recently I had an opportunity that I was really excited about fall through
unexpectedly. At first I was disappointed, then I grew angry, and then I began to
examine my part. After determining, with the help of my sponsor, that my side of
the street was clean, I began to feel like the Universe was against me and that I
might never get what I wanted. And that's when I heard this quote.

This quote immediately reminded me that I had turned my will and my life over to
the care of a God of my understanding, and that after I took the appropriate
actions, the results were no longer up to me. Despite my expectations, or hopes or
desires, I was reminded that turning it over meant accepting God's will for me,
even if (and maybe especially if) things didn't turn out the way I thought they
should.

This realization soon brought about a surrender. And for me, at this stage of my
recovery, I generally find that what I am surrendering is my limited vision for one
that is grander, more fulfilling and more appropriate for the person God intends
for me to become. God always has a better idea for me than any I can think up for
myself.

Today, I have real faith that God's rejection is God's protection.

"No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace."

Lately, I've been having a pretty rough time with my business. So many
companies have tightened their budgets because of the economy, and that means
my sales (and income) are way down as a result. This has led to many restless
nights, getting up at 4am, and having a knot in my stomach most of the day.

As I went to bed last Sunday night, I could feel the familiar dread descending. As
the knot began forming, I suddenly remembered to reach out to God. Why had I
been trying to go it alone? I immediately asked God to be with me right then and
told Him I didn't want to wake up alone. I asked Him to be with me in the
morning, to comfort me and to allow me to know His peace.

As soon as I said that prayer, I felt my body relax and the knot disappear. I felt a
calm and a peace I hadn't known for many nights. While I still woke up early, the
difference was that I wasn't worried like the other mornings; rather, I knew that
God was with me. As I lay there I just kept thinking - remember it works if you
work it!

I also remembered - "No God, no peace. Know God, know peace."

"Recovery isn't for people who need it; it's for people who want it."

After I was sober a while I started thinking about all the people I knew who could
really benefit from, and in fact really needed, the recovery I had found in the
program. This was especially true of the newcomers who kept relapsing. "They
really need this program," I'd say to my sponsor. "Why can't they get it?"

And that's when he told me that this program isn't for people who need it; it's for
people who want it. He said that if everyone who needed this attended meetings
we'd have to rent out stadiums, not rooms and dining halls. He told me that only
the desperate can become willing enough to do what we do to get what we have.
And that's when I thought about my own journey.

For years I needed recovery, but I still had better ideas. It wasn't until I had hit
bottom and was willing to abandon myself to this program that I began to
recover. I now understand when someone says to a newcomer, "I wish you
desperation," because it is only by hitting bottom that one can go from needing
this to wanting it.

Today I realize that everyone is on their own journey, and that although many
may need recovery, until they want it, they won't be able to get it.

"I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know if I have another recovery."

A shiver shot down my spine when I first heard this quote. I know how easy it
would be for me to pick up a cold Heineken or glass of Cabernet sauvignon at a
nice restaurant. And my disease even tries to convince me I could handle it. "It's
been years since you've had a drink," it whispers. "You can drink normally now,"
it says.

As I think those first drinks through, I know I might get away with them, but
inevitably I'd end up drunk. I know myself well enough to know that I've easily
got another drunk in me. I can't say the same thing about recovery, though, and
that's why my spine still tingles when I read this quote.

Getting sober and taking the steps was a lot of work. Good work, to be sure, but it
took countless surrenders, unparalleled willingness, and a humbling of my ego
that only the desperation of the drowning can understand. If the fires of
alcoholism were lit again, I don't know if I'd ever be able to contain them. That
why I pray to God in the morning to keep me sober another day, and thank Him
at night for doing so.

Because I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know if I have another
recovery

"When I'm alone and by myself, I'm out numbered."

I remember the first time I heard about the committee. Someone shared that when
she went to sleep, the committee in her head got together and started going over
all the things that were wrong and why her life was never going to work out. They
collected evidence, put solid cases together, and then reached their decisions.
When she woke up in the morning, they handed her their verdict - guilty and
sentenced to a miserable life!

Boy could I relate. I have my own committee of voices that constantly tell me
things aren't going to work out, that my past mistakes are insurmountable, and
that no matter how hard I try I will never be happy. When I'm alone, the
committee is especially active and after a few days of listening to their decrees, I'm
easily overwhelmed and defeated.

In recovery I've learned that being alone and listening to my own thinking almost
always leads to trouble. I was taught early on that my thinking is distorted by the
disease of alcoholism, and that my best hope for right action and happiness is to
run my thoughts by my sponsor and others in the program. Once I let others in,
the committee disappears, and I am restored to sanity.

Today I recognize the danger of being alone and out numbered.
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